Self Love by Aisha Sanusi

“Self-love is the best love” is an age-old adage that we have most likely all heard before. In recent years, it seems self-love and self-care have become increasingly popular. However, it’s come at the risk of being commercialized. When you think of self-care or self-love, you probably envision getting massages, taking a bubble bath, or buying certain products to make you feel good. However, loving yourself is so much more than that. Don’t get me wrong, pampering yourself is important, but we can show ourselves, love, in so many different categories in our life. So many people know how to take care of themselves on a physical and mental level. But other realms of self-love include emotional, social, professional, environmental, spiritual, and financial levels.

Emotional self-love is enhancing your emotional literacy, understanding and expressing your emotions, and managing them as well.

Social self-love is surrounding yourself with a safe and supportive network of people that can pour into you, in addition to you pouring into yourself. Having a work-life balance and clear professional boundaries with your coworkers is how you practice self-love in your professional life. Protecting your environment, whether your home, office space or transportation, is also a way to value yourself.

When it comes to spiritual self-love, that means having beliefs and values that guide your decisions and behaviour.

Last but not least is financial self-love. It may seem like just a responsibility or task, but being responsible and holding yourself accountable when it comes to your finances is an act of self-love as well.

It’s important to have a healthy balance between spending and saving.

Strengthening self-love

Self-love is a process, much like healing. It’s truly a practice which means it doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll have days where it feels easy and comes naturally; then there will be days where you feel worthless and undeserving. Self-love truly begins when you start allowing yourself to recognize that the thoughts and notions that are not worth being loved are not valid. It can be difficult to unlearn those beliefs because many of them have developed throughout life. However, there are small habits you can start shifting to begin strengthening the love you have for yourself and releasing yourself from those beliefs that make it difficult.

Refrain from comparing yourself with others.

Many of our attitudes and feelings about ourselves stem from what we perceive we lack compared to others. It can be challenging to practise self-love when you’re constantly picking yourself apart because of the things you lack. Comparison can be damaging to your self-esteem. It’s essential to acknowledge when you compare yourself to others and remind yourself that what you think their reality is versus what is taking place may be different. People curate their lives on and off of social media. Allow yourself to shift that energy you put into comparison into strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.

Letting go of toxic people speaking of relationships.

Your relationships can directly impact your mental health and your relationship with yourself. When you have people close to you telling you that you aren’t lovable or worthy, it can diminish the love you have for yourself, which can lead to having a sense of low esteem. Letting go of relationships, regardless of who they are to you, makes room for a better relationship with yourself. It might be difficult to distance yourself from people or cut ties, but the relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you’ll ever have.

Practice self-forgiveness and grace.

A vital component of self-love is providing yourself grace and forgiveness. We all mess up a lot. It’s a part of being human. The mistakes you’ve made and your shortcomings don’t have to define you. Mistakes are what help you grow and do better the next to go round. Providing yourself with grace and self-forgiveness doesn’t mean you don’t hold yourself accountable because that is also an important aspect of self-love. However, grace and self-forgiveness do mean not guilting and shaming yourself for your wrongdoings.

Start choosing yourself!

Your journey to self-love may disappoint others, and that’s something you’ll have to learn to be okay with. You will have to get into the habit of realizing everything you have to offer; people won’t love or even understand. It’s not your job to make them understand either. Self-love means permitting yourself to put yourself first, permitting yourself to disappoint people, and permitting yourself to love yourself fully and authentically.

Remember, self-love is…

• Attending to your needs to the best of your ability

• Recognizing how you are powerful, valuable, and meaningful, just as you are

• Cleaning and organizing your environment

And most of all, remember self-love is an ongoing journey that evolves.

Always remember that, if you are ever at a point, where you are having more bad days than good during a specific phase in your life, where there is a lack of support, respect, accountability, equality, or effort. Plan for an exit strategy and protect your mental wellbeing.

Audre Lorde put it best when she stated “caring for myself Is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”