Suicide in Crisis

By Praise Olarinde, Content Writer at The Mind Wheel

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According to the World Health Organization, suicide is among the three leading causes of death among people aged 15–44 in some countries. Before the pandemic, over 700,000 people die to suicide yearly which is an estimated one person per 40 seconds. There’s yet to be well-researched data on the impact of the coronavirus on suicide rates, mainly due to the high death toll from the virus. Experts (Coroner) would need to be sure of the exact cause of death before classifying it as suicide. What is certain is the intense mental stress it has added to people around the world. People are overwhelmed and finding it difficult to process the new challenges they’re faced with.

Suicide is classified as a public health concern and isn’t restricted to just mental health issues. When people hear about death by suicide, their mind races to a possibly deranged person who has had enough. Suicide is, however, more than just the statistics, it has a lifelong effect on communities, families, and individuals of which people are also afraid to talk about. It is not something most people find easy to talk about. The stories are usually very unfortunate, but like every story, there are two sides to it. What went through the mind of the victim, how do their loved ones cope with the guilt of not seeing the signs, and how do they deal with the stigma of having a suicide death inscribed on them?

Close Call?

When someone close to you dies by suicide or attempts to, it is usually a build-up of frustrating and overwhelming thoughts. The brain would have narrowed down its ability to provide ideas to solve problems like it normally would to just one. The coping options are limited and the actual functioning of the brain changes at those acute moments in a concept known as cognitive constriction. In this state, it’s usually difficult for people to see beyond their present situations as such cannot believe the pain would ever go away.

Survivors of suicide attempts usually say at that moment they thought suicide was the only option available to them. This negates the saying that it was selfish of them. A scenario that perfectly describes what goes through the mind of a suicide victim is having a toothache. I remember when my teeth ached, all I could think of was the pain, and how to make it go away. I honestly thought the pains might not go. The aches are gone now but it never seemed like they would back then.

It’s almost the same for suicidal people. The pain feels quite overwhelming that suicide looks like the easy way out not because they’re selfish or weak. This is not to say suicides aren’t premeditated, they are but the final decision is often impulsive. Survivors are left with limited options when cognitive constriction kicks in. It’s almost never intentional.

Survivors Speak

On the far end of the suicide, spectra are the families and loved ones they left behind. There are always unanswered questions, doubts, guilt, and stigma on their part. They’re plagued with thoughts on how far away they were from the person they claimed to care about, the hurtful words they said, the new label they’ve been stamped with, and whether they contributed to the victim’s decision. The reality is they have to live with that trauma for the rest of their lives.

Loss survivors might also feel they didn’t show enough empathy and love but it’s not entirely correct. Suicide is more complex than that. It has nothing to do with how much you loved them or how much they loved you. For some, you can see how they tried to make their time here meaningful. They did love you back, but when someone is on fire, all they can think of is how quickly they can put it out.

This Too Shall Pass

Honestly, it’s easy for loss survivors to blame themselves for ruminating over what they could have done differently. While it’s only human to feel that way, it’s also human to remember we don’t have total control over people’s actions. If that were possible, we would have close to zero suicide rates. This emphasizes the need to remain aware of mental health and warning signs. This way; we will be contributing our quota by taking care of our mental well-being and noticing any warning signs of mental health issues in us, and the people around us. When you notice that a loved one is exhibiting warning signs of mental distress, offer to be there for them, be supportive, research available help, and resources to recommend to them. Above all, show unconditional positive regard and avoid being judgmental.

When those glances and thoughts that make you feel like such a bad person come, remember how much you tried, how best you loved them. You too are human. Allow yourself to grieve, it’s a teacher but don’t let it consume you. You’re still here and can still do something good while there’s time. You too are part of their history and you bring to life an amazing part of them every time you show love and grace. I hope in the midst of this crisis, you don’t lose yourself. You’re special too.

References

Suicide Data: https://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/